The Valentine (Love Awakens part 4)
by A Romantic Enquiry
Summary: Its Carlisle & Esme's first Valentine's Day together as a couple, just over a year after she was turned. As his Valentine's Day gift to her, Carlisle surprises Esme with the offer of a brand new start in a way that she didn't expect. Esme's POV. (Part 4 of my Carlisle/Esme series: Love Awakens.)
1. Chapter 1

**Love Awakens Part 4. Chapter 1. February 1922.**

He didn't even ask anymore I had noticed. It had become a ritual of sorts. So, in the very early hours of the morning, before the sun had risen, I would get ready. I dressed to match the weather: a white fox fur lined wool coat with gloves over my sea green brocade dress. I wore t-strap heels the color of my dress. After fussing with my curls, I added a cloche hat with peacock feathers and waited for Carlisle. When he came home, we would go for a walk, in all kinds of weather—thunderstorms and blizzards, clear crisp nights or foggy, dreary ones when it seemed the sun would never break through, which was fine with us.

The streets were always abandoned in those hours and we had long talks, walking all the way across town sometimes or just sitting in the park or venturing into the nearby forest. Tonight we had gone down Main Street, not on the sidewalk, but right down the center of the road, until I had been drawn to display of Valentines in a nearby shop window.

Carlisle was standing so close behind me that he seemed to be the entire world to me. I didn't even have to try anymore. I was growing used to what had formerly been the very overwhelming presence of everything. I had learned to focus my attention on certain things. Just as in human life, other things slowly faded into the background. It wasn't a conscious choice always though that Carlisle was the center of my focus. Like now, as I tried to concentrate on something else, all I could think about was how close his body was to mine.

"Valentine's Day seems like a. . .strange holiday to me," he said, continuing our conversation. I could feel his breath against my ear, and I felt something like shudder dance over my skin.

"I think it's lovely," I replied.

"No," he started slowly, "I just mean I've never really participated in it, I guess you could say. It's foreign to me."

I wasn't looking at the pretty cards anymore, but at our reflection in the glass. I couldn't help but think we made a beautiful pair, and I caught myself admiring the ways we complimented one another. His body pressed up against mine and, without thought, I gasped at the sensation.

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to gain my composure. These desires only grew stronger and, for whatever reason, tonight I could think of nothing but him touching me. Maybe it was because of the way he had kissed me before leaving for the hospital earlier that day. As he spoke, I wasn't really listening to the words so much as they way they fell off his lips.

Our embraces had become more desperately passionate lately for whatever reason. I wanted him so badly that I was completely distracted by it. I had even stopped dead, letting my prey escape when we had gone hunting together a few days ago, just to watch how stealthy and strong he was. He paused, holding a lean, beautiful deer down to the ground, whispering "thank you" so softly that no human ear could have detected it before feeding from it.

He had stopped abruptly though, noticing that I was frozen as few feet away. "What's wrong?" he questioned gently, licking the blood from his lips. I felt my entire being shake with a very complicated, deep-seated desire. The thought of licking the blood from his lips nearly sent me into a frenzy of lust and thirst.

I had walked over to him, controlling each step, kneeling down slowly, looking into his eyes. I wanted to tell him that nothing was wrong, but that I was just so overwhelmed by my love for him. Instead, I kissed him. It quickly became deep and passionate with me gripping his shirt and his fingers tangled in my hair as the snow fell around us. I could not hold back my moans of pleasure; his mouth tasted like blood, the lingering warmth from the animal still on his lips. I longed for him so badly that I would have made love to him right there on the forest floor, but my hunger managed to get the better of me.

Now though, there was nothing to draw my focus away, even for a second. I turned to glance over my shoulder at him and he brushed at my hair, tucking a stray strand behind my ear gently. We hadn't talked about this a great deal: we knew that we were in love. We had confessed that to one another, yes. Maybe it didn't need saying: we were just us now—Carlisle and Esme.

In public, I was masquerading as his as Edward's widow sister—just to give any ounce of propriety to the fact that I, an unmarried woman, lived here with two men. Posing as Edward's sister made that easy, but Carlisle. . . well, maybe that is why it was never suggested that I should pretend to be his sister.

I did not socialize much, uncertain of whether that made it worse or not. We attempted to make it appear as if Carlisle was nothing more than generous and charitable toward a poor widow, but I knew people talked about us—perhaps only if because they really had nothing better to do here. Perhaps my isolation only fed the curiosity. I found it increasingly difficult to pretend though.

I turned fully to face him and he took my hand in his, lifting it to his lips to kiss gently.

"I've been thinking," he began, his eyes moving from my fingers back to my eyes, but not before they lingered on my lips. I felt them part and a small sigh escaped.

"Yes," I replied.

"Actually," he said, taking my arm and starting to walk back toward home. "I was hoping it could be a gift of sorts, but one that you might want some advance notice about."

"Oh?" I questioned, wrapping the fingers of my other hand around his arm, matching the rhythm of his steps.

"I was wondering how you felt about moving," he began, looking off into the distance.

"What about your job though and we haven't been here for very long so. . ."

"I know you have been wary around people, Esme. You have done very well though. I thought perhaps if we just went far away from here and started over completely. . ." He turned to look at me then, his eyes full of meaning.

I wasn't sure what to say.

"What is our story this time, Dr. Cullen? Do I get to be Edward's cousin?" I teased. "Your sister? A woman you treated in the ER with amnesia who had no other place to go?"

He laughed slightly before looking over at me with a smile. "Clearly, we are not going to run out of options anytime soon with your imagination."

I shrugged. "I read a lot," I replied jokingly, looking down at my feet. "So moving is a gift, you say?"

"Part of it," he answered, looking back down the street.

"Oh, a mystery. How tantalizing."

"Are you making fun of me?" he questioned.

"Naturally, because that is obviously the best way to get you to share your secret with me," I joked.

"All of my secrets are already yours, Esme Anne," he replied, smiling over at me again. "How do you feel about a highly inappropriate weekend trip, just the two of us?"

"I feel highly inappropriately thrilled about that idea, Carlisle," I answered, nudging against him slightly as we walked up our front steps.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 4, Chapter 2. February 1922.**

The week seemed exceptionally long, despite the preparations for the trip. The days and nights dragged on, and Carlisle wouldn't give me any more information, no matter how I pleaded or tried to coax it out of him. I guessed that he was taking me to see where he wanted to move, but he wouldn't tell me where that was. We still took our regular walks until he came home on Thursday night, which was our planned departure time.

Edward had helped me pack the car, and I pulled him into a long embrace, kissing him on the cheek. I had become accustomed to not speaking to him because I knew he didn't need me to. I wasn't sure at times whether I wished that I could read his thoughts as well. I had no comparison for how life was for Carlisle and Edward before I entered, but I often wondered if I was disrupting that somehow.

They never behaved that way. They only made me feel welcomed and wanted. I knew that for Carlisle I was filling a void he possibly hadn't been aware of before, and he filled me with incomparable joy—he was my dream come true. And Edward made us something of a family in a way we could never be without him. Edward was truly a brilliant, complex person who seemed to feel things very deeply and quietly. He had been a very young man when he had been turned and not so long ago, but there was something timeless and ageless behind his golden eyes.

I pressed my leather gloved hand to one of his cheeks when we said goodbye. I wasn't sure how to keep my thoughts from reaching him; I wasn't quite sure if he could accomplish blocking them or how or when he might be doing that or trying. I made an effort, hoping that he could hear my present thoughts, sincerely wishing that his recent demeanor had nothing to do with jealousy for snatching his only true friend's attention. I didn't believe Edward petty or childish in that manner, but perhaps it doesn't matter what we've gone through—there is something very human in us all at the foundation. I had learned quickly, for me at least, that my emotions were much more present, urgent, vivid, and almost palpable in ways they had never been in even the worst and best times in my human life.

Carlisle helped me into the car and he and Edward exchanged a few quiet words before he joined me. I turned and waved at Edward, smiling at him.

"Have a nice trip!" he called after us as we pulled away.

When he was out of sight, I turned in my seat and looked out over the road. As soon as we were outside of town, Carlisle pushed his new Mercer Series 5 to the limit. Driving at nearly ninety miles an hour on the open road would have seemed like an exceptional thrill, but fast travel was pretty much normal to me now.

"You are going to wear this motor car out in no time," I said to him, settling back in my seat, determined to enjoy the trip and not be too anxious about the destination. We were on our way now and that helped immensely somehow.

"I guess we'll just get a new one then," he said with a smile.

I just shook my head in reply. I briefly thought how nice it was to be alone with him until the moment with Edward before we left interrupted.

"I'm worried about Edward," I said after along pause, toying with the loose ends of my scarf.

"Why is that?" Carlisle asked, his eyes on me instead of the road for a moment.

"You don't think, I mean, I hope that I haven't. . ." I wasn't sure how to delicately phrase what I was trying to say. "He's not jealous is he?" I finally just blurted out.

"No," Carlisle said, shaking his head and looking back at the road. "He adores you. I think that we both needed you, we probably always have. I don't think it's that at all." He reached over with one hand, taking mine and interlocking our fingers.

"I certainly hope it isn't that he thinks I'm stealing all your attention," I said almost shyly.

"I felt this connection with Edward almost immediately," Carlisle began, his voice sounding almost distant. "It sounds rather pretentious, but I looked at him when he was human and thought that he was so much more than that. I suppose it's easy to think that everyone has potential. Watching anyone die is not easy. We are alike in a lot of fundamental ways, I believe, Edward and I. I think Edward is happy for us both, but I think he looks at me and thinks about how long this took. I think he thinks about it more than I do. For him, being around as long as I have, well, it just sounds baffling. But, for me, that is just, life, if you would call it that."

"You think he's afraid of being lonely?" I questioned.

"Something like that, yes," he replied.

"We would never leave him though, of course. I want him to know that," I said, turning in my seat sharply. "He does know that we want him with us, always, right?"

Carlisle nodded. "He does. Edward can be very pensive. He thinks constantly and deeply. I think he will be fine. He's still young, to me, in almost every way."

I nodded. "Do you think that about me?" I asked, worried for a moment.

"What?" he asked. "That you are young? In the vampire existence sense, yes. But you obviously aren't that girl on my examination table with a broken leg anymore. It was urgent with you, you know that? I recognized you instantly in the hospital and I, again, couldn't imagine letting someone like you just fade away. You were such a spirited, interesting child when I had met you. I think it was more than that though. I haven't figured that out yet," he admitted, smiling softly over at me.

"Oh," I said, unsure of how to respond. I, of course, had fallen in love with the idea of him based on our first meeting and spent way too much dreaming that he would appear one day and just save me from. . .everything. And when he did, the attachment was instantaneous.

"You are older than me in human years though," he pointed out. "So, that does make it interesting. In that sense, I am in love with an older woman. Even though I met you when you were a teenager a decade ago, and I was just short of a decade older in human age at the time. Now you've surpassed me, despite that I've been around for over two centuries."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. It sounded so unbelievable, but here we were regardless of how incredible it all seemed. _What an exceptional love story we are making_, I thought to myself.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Thank you for reading my story! Reviews are always appreciated.

If you liked this part, be sure to read the accompanying stories, which are all part of a series I am writing about Carlisle and Esme. Part 1: The Fall about their first meeting. Part 2: The Kiss about their first kiss. Part 3: The Confession about their building intimacy. They can be read selectively and out of order.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 4, Chapter 3. February 1922.**

The trip was a long one; we drove from Minnesota all the way to New Hampshire. Because we never needed to rest though, it went by much faster. We only had to stop to refuel the car and the only thing that slowed us down was the snow now and then. We had long talks. I read aloud while Carlisle drove; even though he had taught me how to drive the car, I don't like driving. He does; so it seemed to work out well. I had finished the entirety of _The Scarlett Letter_, as well as another more recent publication called _The Lamp in the Desert_ by Ethel M. Dell, and was quite enraptured with Emily Dickinson's poetry when we pulled up to an enchanting Colonial style inn.

"Why are we stopping here?" I asked, confused. It's not like we needed to sleep.

"It looks nice," Carlisle replied. "I just thought a break would be good, some time to freshen up," he explained, coming over to help me out of the car.

The ground was covered with a few inches of pure white snow. Icicles hung from the rafters and black shutters of the large white house. It was a cloudy, cold evening but still beautiful. I admired the architecture and grounds as we walked up to the door. When we stopped at the front desk, I had to keep myself from wandering around the foyer. I tried to occupy myself with focusing on doing things at a human pace, but the décor was very distracting to me.

"This is breathtaking," I said, gazing out a nearby window to the mountains behind the house. Carlisle glanced over at me with a small smile and I had to stop myself from giggling over my automatic use of such a human expression. I mean, we didn't really have to breathe, so the phrase didn't quite have the same effect.

When he requested a room, referring to us as Dr. and Mrs. Cullen I shot him a look. He responded by putting his arm around my waist while we waited for the attendant to get some papers in order. Carlisle signed the register and someone was sent for our suitcases. He did all the talking, declining an invitation to dine, saying that we had just stopped not long ago. I found myself having an urge similar to a human trying to force herself to stop trembling as we walked up the stairs. _Do vampires really get this nervous?_ I wondered. I guess so.

I had no idea what to make of this, so I opted to just keep quiet for the moment. I certainly didn't want to get into any kind of serious, personal discussion on the stairs within the earshot of everyone. I looked down at my feet, pretending to concentrate on my steps, but I was mostly hiding behind my hair. The weather didn't seem to keep away a decent number of people. In fact, more people were probably inside rather than outside, as they surely would have been in warmer conditions, and I felt as if everyone was staring at us. I suppose not many people did show up in weather like this.

When we got to our room, I walked through it, admiring the polished hardwood paneled walls and charming antique furniture. Everything seemed so solid and full of personality, unlike so many of the things found in stores these days. The quilt on the bed was hand stitched and I ran my palm over it before walking over to the window to admire the view of the mountains in the distance. It wasn't until after our bags were brought up and Carlisle gave the boy some money that he finally spoke.

"Do you like it?" he questioned, almost warily. I suppose I had made him just as nervous by keeping silent.

I merely nodded, running my fingers down the hem of the lace curtain before turning to him.

"We drove halfway across the country, all the way to New Hampshire to stay at a country in?" I questioned. I wasn't angry, but now my curiosity was at its peak. I wanted to know what on Earth he had in mind with all of this. I thought we were coming to see where we were moving, but I had a feeling we weren't moving into an inn.

He smiled and shook his head.

"It's not like we really need to stop," I repeated, outright stating the point I had hinted at earlier. "Why are we here?"

Carlisle was putting the bags up on the bed, going through his now for a change of clothes.

"I told you that I thought maybe we could just freshen up," he responded. "Do you want to take a bath?"

I was staring down at his open suitcase and my mouth just dropped open. He couldn't be serious about this. I didn't know how to reply, but I wasn't completely sure what he was suggesting.

"Not with me," he stated frankly after a long pause. "I meant you could go first, that's all." Then, he laughed at me and I couldn't help but get angry. This was not at all funny!

"No," I said, crossing my arms and sitting in a chair in the corner, turning my head toward the window. "You go ahead."

I was even more surprised when he just responded with "Whatever you prefer," before walking into the adjourning room and closing the door.

Lovely, a shared room in an inn out in the middle of nowhere with our own private bath. _Dr. and Mrs. Cullen indeed_, I thought, trying my best to ignore the sounds of running water and clothing being shed coming from the bathroom. It did not work, of course, so I picked the key to the room up and walked out, locking it behind me. I knew he would hear me, so saying anything would have just been a courtesy—one I was not in the mood to extend at the moment.

I wandered around the house, admiring all the details of the interior, the furniture, the crystal, the wallpaper, and the paintings by local artists on the walls. I passed the dining room where a small group of diners sat enjoying their evening meal. In the foyer, I found a map of the area, which I studied for several moments before the young attendant offered to share with me the history of the grounds, starting with their original purchase by a man named Zebedee Applebee in 1772. He told me about the library, which I explored for a while. It was small, but I looked at every title before realizing that it had been at least an hour since I left the room and that I probably looked extremely odd since I was supposed to be on a trip with my husband and was walking around looking at everything alone instead. I decided my point had been made in any case, so I returned to the room.

Carlisle was in his new clothes, gazing thoughtfully out the window when I entered.

"There you are," he said, turning to reveal a very gloomy expression. "I thought maybe you had decided to leave me."

"Never," I said, almost shocked at the seriousness of his tone. Where did he think I would go? Why would I ever want to go anywhere that was away from him?

He just stood where he was, so I decided to move first. We both took a step toward each other at the same time though and I was in his arms faster than I had expected.

"I'm sorry," we both said overtop of one another.

"I just thought it was very pretty," he said. "I thought you might like it, and I didn't plan this."

"I do like it," I assured him, nodding, my head against his shoulder. "It just seemed, well, odd and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I'm not sure what to make of all this since you haven't told me anything."

"I'm taking you with me to look at our potential next home," he explained, taking my chin in his hand. "I want to make sure you like it too. And just because we don't need to stop doesn't mean we can't. There's no reason for us to hurry either. I just wanted to have a nice trip with you, that's all."

If I could have cried, I would have. In fact, I felt a warmth rise up around my eyes, almost like I had trapped hot tears welling up. I pressed my hand to his cheek and he leaned forward to kiss me. It was a tender, lingering gesture of affection, which made my emotions swell over my point of control and I made a sobbing sound without even thinking about it.

Carlisle pulled back and looked at me carefully. I just shook my head.

"I love you," I said softly, hoping that was all the explanation he required right now.

"I love you, Esme," he replied, taking my hand and leading me over to the bed.

We sat there in silence for a few moments, my head on his shoulder. Finally the feeling passed, and things fell back into normalcy somehow, though I still had lingering guilt. Still, I gave in to the tempting suggestion of a warm bath and a change of clothes.

While I did, he lit the gas lamps in the room, creating a very old-fashioned ambience and we then sat on the floor—he had his knees bent on either side of me as I leaned back against him, his back against the wall. Carlisle had his arms around my waist and I held the unfinished collection of Dickinson's poetry as we took turns reading selected poems to one another.

I was in the middle of a verse when Carlisle kept distracting me, toying with my hair, trailing kisses down the side of my neck until I couldn't concentrate anymore and just dropped the book. He picked it up and flipped through the pages, stopping abruptly.

He read "Come slowly, Eden," whispering against my ear, his fingers running down my arm before taking my hand in his. I felt a shiver of pleasure race through me as he pressed his lips against my neck again. Though there was no mark left, I would never forget that it was the place he had bitten me. I dug the fingers of my free hand into his thigh, gasping as he slid the tip of his tongue across my skin.

"Carlisle," I breathed, taking the book once again, trying to distract myself with finding another poem.

One caught my attention immediately and I began reading. "I have no Life but this / To lead it here /  
Nor any Death — but lest / Dispelled from there / Nor tie to Earths to come / Nor Action new / Except through this extent / The Realm of you."

Carlisle had rested his chin on my shoulder, listening carefully while I read. "That's beautiful," he said when I was finished.

"I mean it," I replied, turning and kissing his temple. He lifted his chin off of my shoulder and we looked at each other for a long moment, the book forgotten.

"Let's go hunting," he suggested finally. "The wild, unexplored territory of the White Mountains awaits, my beloved."

We hadn't hunted since the night before we left, so I agreed. I was still thirsty quite often, and being so close to humans was still very hard when I was. The mountains were amazing and the hunting was good. After we had our fill, Carlisle suggested that we take our usual leisurely early morning stroll back to the inn.

We walked back down the mountain hand in hand, leaping over the small river. There was a wooden fence on the edge of the property and instead of jumping over it like Carlisle, I stood on the top, balancing easily, so that he could catch me when I hopped off. The plan didn't go so well though because I managed to knock him down, but he laughed. At least he thought it was funny. I stood up first, taking his hand and brushing the snow off of my coat with my free hand.

"Wait," he said, not fully getting up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried that I had actually managed to hurt him somehow.

"Nothing," he said, still kneeling in the snow. "It's just that there is another reason I wanted to bring you here, alone."

"Oh, yes?" I asked, not sure how else to respond.

"There is something that I wanted to talk to you about, say…ask you?" He nodded as if he was assuring both me and himself that was correct thing finally.

I stared down at him for a long moment, almost numb with fear that I was misreading this. I took a breath on purpose, my lungs filling with icy air. I shouldn't let my imagination run wild like this, like it always had. It's true that it had always led me to disappointment. _Except once_, a small voice somewhere in the back of my mind piped up. But what else was I expected to hope for when Carlisle was kneeling before me with my left cradled hand gently between his?

* * *

**Author's notes:** Thank you to everyone who is following my stories! What do you think about how this chapter ended?

Also, if you interested, I created a Facebook page where I will be posting updates, links & pictures related to the stories, & conversations about all things fanfic. Please feel free to "like" the page here: pages/A-Romantic-Enquiry/239885409479850


	4. Chapter 4

_**Love Awakens**_**. Part 4. Chapter 4. February 1922. **

* * *

I found myself frozen, unable to move with one hand over my slightly agape mouth and the other cradled gently between Carlisle's hands. For a moment, I wasn't sure if I was eager for him to move or not. Part of me wanted this to last. I tried to absorb every detail. I wanted to remember everything about it forever. Yet, part of me wanted to be in his arms, with his lips against mine. I just wanted to be his.

But, then, I already was, of course. I knew that in my heart, as well as I knew he was mine.

"Esme, you wonder all the time if what you are feeling is valid, if you are supposed to feel that way," he began. "Sometimes you have questions that I can't answer. I just don't know, Esme, but I do know that I supposed to love you. I do love you."

He stood up slowly then and I tried to pause my reaction; the flood of emotions was overwhelming already. I wished that I could cry just for the sake of release. This was all too much. No matter how natural most of it had been—us falling in love, there was still a staggering lack of expression for it. Even if we had eternity, how could there ever be any words or actions that would accurately convey how I feel? It seemed impossible. But maybe it wasn't just about the big moments. Maybe it was just as much about the in betweens, the pauses, the moments like this when we stood just gazing at each other in silence.

"I love you," I replied softly.

He brought my fingers up to his lips, kissing them gently, his eyes falling shut. When he opened them, he gave me a sad smile as our hands drifted back down again.

"I think back over the centuries and I think about those seemingly endless stretches of darkness," he continued. "I was lonely, but no company ever seemed to satisfy me. I thought I was being selfish at times. I thought maybe I was, and always would be, too different from everyone else. Edward's friendship brought something unparalleled into my life, but there was still something essential missing. I never knew what I missing, what I was searching for until I saw you lying there dying. There is something I need to tell you though. I'm just so sorry. I need you to forgive me."

"Forgive you?" I asked, feeling deeply confused. "For what? You saved me."

It was true that this existence wasn't an uncomplicated one. If I could truly have whatever I wanted, regardless of the impossible obstacles of time and space, it would be for the two of us to have a happy human life together. But I was so thankful that he hadn't let me die, never knowing the feeling of true love, the taste of his lips, or the haven of his arms. I was nearly ecstatic at times when he expressed his love for and happiness with me that I couldn't imagine a world in which he had been minutes too late to save me and we both went separately into very different dark stretches of eternity never knowing what it felt like to be loved this way.

I had brief moments of realizing that we had been so close to one another before I had decided to end my life. I didn't know how long he had been so nearby, but I dared not even wonder what choices we would have faced if I had stumbled upon him then, my mere mortal self running into him again. What would we have done? Could this be something that we chose to stop or would we even have had the chance to recognize it under other circumstances? I wasn't certain. That wasn't how it had happened, and I decided that I didn't want to know.

"I'm sorry, that we have to be this to be together. I'm sorry that you had to lose your family. I'm sorry that you had to lose your son." I felt weak with a sudden lash of emotion when his voice hitched on the last word. "I'm sorry that you wanted to end your life. But you make me so happy that I cannot imagine being without you now."

"I didn't lose my family," I replied when he paused. "I left them. And my son was taken away from me." I reached up and pressed my free palm to his cheek. "You know this was never a choice between you and anyone else. I'm not here because it ever was. I'm here because I can't be anywhere else without feeling there was no point to any of my suffering. I'm here because with you is where I want to be."

Carlisle let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight against him. "I'm sorry that you didn't have an option. . ."

"I choose you," I interrupted. The words came out without thought and a sinking guilt overcame me for a second. "Always."

"Stay with me forever," he whispered before kissing me. It began tenderly but quickly grew heated to the point of being desperate.

I felt that strange dichotomy again, of my knees seeming weak on the inside though they held strongly in place. It felt something like a rush of heat—something akin to the feeling of warm blood gushing from a pulsing vein into my mouth, down my throat, the way it seemed that I could feel every aching cell of my body thirsting for it. There was some collective sense of elation, euphoria, this wave of being extremely drunk on it before you finally sank down with a sigh of relief, of being sated finally. That was the way I wanted Carlisle to infiltrate me. I missed him in my thirsting veins and I wondered if he missed me in his.

I felt a strand of his hair brush across my cheek, the chill of the wind across my lips when our mouths parted. "Just because we don't have to doesn't mean that we can't. It doesn't mean that we can't just be motivated by desire or love. That is my answer to why and how," he said. "Just love. Everything that I do is because I love you."

I nodded, burying my face into his shoulder. "Thank you," I answered, pressing my lips against his neck in the place there should have been a tangible pulse.

"Don't thank me," he said softly. "Marry me."

I looked up at him slowly, brushing my hair away from my eyes.

"When I think about how the past year is nothing but a blink compared to the past two-hundred and eighty years, it seems nonsensical to even think that I feel like I've been waiting so long to ask you this, but I guess I have been waiting all of my life, if you can call it that. And all this time I've had to think about it," he shook his head, "it still doesn't come out right. I love you, Esme. I want to be bound, committed, and tied to you. I want my life and yours, side by side, to make one that we share. Suddenly, the idea of eternity has more sanity than it ever has because I can easily imagine doing just that with you, forever. . ."

I could hear everything that he was saying perfectly; it seemed as if he had ventured into my heart and turned some of what lay there into words with incredible accuracy. I watched his lips move as he spoke. And, for the first time since I had entered this life, I felt as if I must have somehow fallen asleep. I thought I was going to wake up, probably from a coma in a hospital bed, to be told the entire past year had been some drug and trauma induced fantasy. But it was the feeling in my chest that jarred me.

The empty, quiet cavity of my heart felt as if it had welled up suddenly. I thought back over my life, searching for comparisons. I recalled the first time I had felt my son move inside of me. I felt transported back to being a teenager sitting on a cold hospital bed the first time I had seen Carlisle. It wasn't really a physical sensation. This was the magical feeling of falling in love, of feeling for the first time that it isn't just some grand fantasy, some vague notion of an idea—that it was here, beside of you, inside of you.

_Will you marry me?_

It seemed to repeat in my head. I closed my eyes, mouthing the words silently, letting them sink in. When I opened my eyes again, he was staring at me, very focused, looking at me carefully, desperately trying to read me, I was sure. I could see the anticipation, the anxiety, the hope in the golden depths of his eyes. I felt more alive than I ever had in my human life in that moment.

"Yes," I breathed.

He moved so suddenly that I barely had time to register it. With one arm around my back and the other under my knees, he lifted me up and kissed me. And it was as easy as that.

Carlisle carried me back down to the inn and I lay with my head against his shoulder, looking up at him. We didn't speak until after we were back in our room and he sat me down on the bed, asking me to stay put. He went to his suitcase, returning with a small box and sitting beside me. I choked back a small laugh; I had completely forgotten there was supposed to be a ring.

"I'm sorry I didn't have it with me. I didn't want to lose it out hunting, and I didn't plan to propose to you in a field in the middle of the night."

I just smiled at him as he gently opened the case and held it out to me. I gasped when he took it out, sliding it onto my finger. It fit perfectly—a gorgeous, modern sterling silver, diamond encrusted band with a large, high set diamond in the middle. It was the most exquisite piece of jewelry I had ever seen—something I never would have even dreamed of owning. It was most certainly noticeable, but not too large for my slender finger.

"It's beautiful," I said, staring at it for a long moment. Then, I turned my attention back to Carlisle, my _fiancé_, looking up him with another smile, one that I felt radiate through my entire being.

I reached up and ran my fingers over one of his eyebrows, down the side of his face, down to his chin and up across his lips. I felt elated and possessive of him suddenly. It was funny how one word, in response to the right question, seemed to change things so much. I felt intertwined with him tighter now. I felt an emotional latch take hold, bearing itself deeply and permanently in the very depths of my being.

Carlisle pulled me into his arms and I sighed, sinking into him. We remained silent, ending up entangled in one another on the bed, his hand wrapped around my left hip, my left knee tucked between his thighs. He ran the fingers of his free hand through my hair and I pressed one hand against his chest, the other gripping his bicep and we just stared at each other.

Not only did I feel that my body and heart had fully reawakened so to speak, but my soul had as well now. I felt whole again. I knew this was me letting go of my fear. It was more than just a romantic reaction. This was me being brave enough to finally strip myself of that protective label of "novice" and fully embrace this new existence. I was no longer wondering or wary. I felt settled. _This is where I belong._


	5. Chapter 5

**Epilogue**

We left the inn early the next morning and continued our journey to explore the small town of Gorham, New Hampshire. It turned out to be a very charming, quaint place. The striking backdrop of the mountains and deep forests gave it almost an adventurous feel. I found I was distracted though, willing myself to concentrate on the details of our potential new home, instead of just gazing at Carlisle or my beautiful engagement ring.

As we walked down the streets, I wrapped my left hand around his arm. It was almost an unconscious gesture at first. I didn't mean to show off, but I was just so ecstatic. I wanted to tell every stranger who we passed that this amazing man was now my future husband. It was all I could do to contain my joy.

Carlisle told me that he had already been offered a position at the local hospital, and we found a house that we both adored, so when we returned home, we were full of exciting news for Edward. Naturally, he wasn't very surprised by all of this, but he was happy for us and assured me that, of course, he would come with us—something I had been quite worried about on the drive home.

The day following our return, I went downstairs after Carlisle had gone to work to find a large ivory envelope with my name written on it lying the coffee table. I picked it up, tracing the curling letters with my finger, Carlisle's handwriting. Noting that it was rather heavy to be a card, I sat on the couch, opening it carefully. It was a card, but there was a silken purple ribbon attached to it, tucked inside like a bookmark with a sizable, rather ornate key hanging from it. It wasn't just a decoration or meant for a piece of jewelry; it was a real door key and not from a contemporary lock either.

I knew it couldn't be to our new house. We had those keys already. I blinked at it, moving it aside to read the handwritten message inside: _I believe in you and want to share all of your dreams. Happy Valentine's Day, Esme. Love always, Carlisle._

It registered so quickly that I let out a sharp cry of surprise before I even thought about trying to stop it. Edward was in the room almost instantly.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Carlisle bought me a house!" I exclaimed, still holding the card in front of me in one hand, the other covering my open mouth.

"I know. . ." he began.

"No, no, not that one," I interrupted, reaching out to lift the key in my fingers. "When we were in Gorham, I saw this wonderful but neglected Victorian house, like the ones I used to dream of living in when we went to the city when I was a little girl. I made him stop the car so I could get out to look at it." I laughed softly at the memory. "I told him that I had always wanted to have a house just like that one, but that I wouldn't even know where to begin to restore it."

I glanced over and Edward smiled at me, shaking his head slightly.

"I have to go thank him right now," I said, untying the ribbon from the card and putting it around my neck instead. I jumped up, grapping the first of my coats I came across and sliding my feet into the closest pair of shoes as I put it on.

It didn't dawn on me until I was walking down the sidewalk through town, forcing myself to keep a human pace, that I had never been to where Carlisle worked. In fact, I never really came out on my own, especially during the day. But it was early on a cloudy, blustery, snowy morning and not many people were out.

I caught my reflection in a window and noted that I looked as happy as I felt. Just over a year ago, I thought I could never be happy again. My belief that life wasn't worth living at all had been completely turned around to an overwhelming sense of gratitude and happiness for the inevitable amount of time I had here. When my faith in love had been shattered in my human life, my heart simply could not bear the thought of being in this world without it. And now I was convinced that I had the greatest love the world had ever known.


End file.
